A moment in time that last forever - a reflection of smoke and ripples in the water

A Moment in Time that last Forever

Walking in peace under the clouds of heaven, my mind was rudely interrupted by the sound of a spinning single pair of bladed evilness connected to an ugly bird above my head. Common to all who served in Nam, the twin-bladed whirling sound of the UH-1H helicopter can quickly bring the devil inside your head without trying.

Although the sound of the helicopter often meant the arrival of angels who come to rescue you, it is also the sound that brings back the evil and horror hidden deep inside the skull and that creeps into the conscious like lava runs to the sea, as it intrudes the peace of the mind with a single stroke of flashbacks and memories that cannot be ignored.

It is a sound that a soldier will not ever forget. It immediately clears the mind of present tense and brings the mind back to the past where it lives forever. The transformation is instant, the peace is gone and the war is on. A war between being sane and insane, chilled and hot-headed and crazy versus pure craziness. It was the worst of times and it binds you to the present or future, whether you like it or not. It controls you better than you can control it.

So as the faint sight of the ugly 'helo' above you streams away like a drifting cloud that makes an earth shuddering noise to your ears, your head goes back in time and already alerted your senses as you can hear the gunfire, the mortar explosions, smell the smoke and fire and the spells of horror that filled your heart with more than the years since it happened for reals.

It is beyond logic or common sense what the eyes have seen as these images are engrained into the mind incessantly and played back repeatedly whenever the sounds of hell are detected or heard above me in the clouds of the open sky. Time and space – it was the worst and best of friends and foe but it was the one binding material in a tapestry of a war of many pieces.

Mostly mental since the war has gone, these dreadful remnants seem to live forever. This Huey was both a bird of a blessing and a companion of pain and sorrow. What was laden on this ugly bird were images of war never taken for granted. Its shape endured all kinds of rain, terrain or weather but its arrival was usually associated with pain, death, and sorrow.

So as the mind travels at the speed of light, you become the unavoidable magnet to the connection between the days of the past and the present. Without any intentions voluntary or involuntary, step into the haze of yesterday’s smoke and fire and stepped into the dirty bird or stepped off the vibrating skids of the ugly bird, devil or angel, to do what you are hired to do – be a soldier.

Your mind breaks into a sweat, your heart is pounding and your fingers seek to hold onto something solid as your knees get weak. Your rifle slung over your shoulder, and your helmet strapped as you jump off the bird onto the ground only to see it drift away into the sky and leaving you behind with others knowing they won’t be back for you for a very long time.

A time that is constant as the smell of the hydraulic fluid while you were sitting on the floor inside the bird moments ago, is replaced by the sulphuric smoke of gunfire and mortar shell around you.

The smoke screen is lifting; your hasty steps are hammering the soft muddy ground as you make for cover the best you can under conditions known only to those who stand or crawl there with you. The weight on your back is only compounded by the role you have – a medic - tied to a unit that is engaged in the horrors of war with an invisible enemy that moves around the jungles and nighttime like ghosts in the sky.

Trying hard to blot out the constant sound of the rotating blade as it eats the air that keep it up there in the sky, you struggle, momentarily falling to the past and all its horrors. You know that there is no scientific way to overcome this dilemma, there is no cure for the past and the momentary physics attached to your memories that will last into eternity.

So you try to divert the anxiety, the stress and the soldier’s decision of ‘fight or flight’ as well as the thoughts of never coming home again. The order is clear to ‘advance the enemy’ and any ideas of turning around were negated by the footsteps of the motion forward.

Reflection in your loneliness this peaceful day takes a toll day after day and when you finally arrive, it wasn’t at all like you pictured it would be. For some reason, your stay with your buddies in uniform as their comforts and companionship gave you more calmness and was emotionally helpful. So it is experienced to be a moment in time that last forever.