Dealing with Disappointment in the workplace

Working in the private security business brings with it several stereotyped of disappointments suffered because you felt neglected or lied to by your supervisor. This is not an anomaly at work nor is it something you can avoid as many places have disconnected office personnel with those in the field. How you cope with this situation is most important and can make the difference between staying with the employer or quitting and finding another line of work that is more suitable for your own personal needs or job expectations.

The type of disappointment you suffer may vary but usually, it is a standard variety of situations that are common to the trade or profession. It maybe you were passed up for a promotion or perhaps, you received an unfavorable performance evaluation or efficiency rating that may not be an accurate reflection of the job you are doing.

Such examples are often serious concerns for frustration and stress to build up and start your head boiling or brewing. Maybe your supervisor has not trained you well enough or given you fair shakes in job assignments making you feel slighted and sometimes mistreated.

As you begin to fill up with anger, resentment, and mixed emotions, you can feel yourself burning as the stress and anger increases. We accept the fact that disappointment, stress, and anxiety are part of life and that although a very complex emotion to deal with, it gives us all a tough time understanding and managing the situation when it arises.

What is most difficult is to deal with life with such frustrations and learning how to overcome or deal with them for life itself is not fair. You will experience disappointments and failures. It’s a guarantee that you can take to the bank. They may follow ups like a dark shadow stalking you along the wall or just ambush you when you least expect it. Unless you made a very foolish decision, there are no announcement or predictions when it comes to dealing with such adversities.

So, we learn in time that life is filled with disappointments and failures and sometimes, these are critical lessons of life that teach you the method how to deal with them and accept it as an essential and critical element for self-growth.

Nothing is worse than experiencing a heartbreaking moment that demoralizes you in a heartbeat. Some ‘disappoint’ present or create some heavy-hearted decision making and extremely difficult challenges. Regardless, heartbreaking as disappointments may be, it is an essential element for growth.

According to most psychologists, disappointment is important for personal growth. It motivates us to grow and move forward. But to treat disappointment as an agent for growth it is important to learn to manage it, effectively.

There are no 100 % guarantees that you, me or we can live in a ‘safe place’ for the rest of our lives. When we walk out of the safe confines of our home and schools we enter the corporate world - a place where everyone must fend for themselves and were disappointments come easy especially if you have chosen a profession or career that is already filled with stress.

Private security, law enforcement, and other high-stress occupations are filled with disappointments as you are dealing with the human factor that tends to always let us down

Imagine a presentation you worked extremely hard on and expected to blow everyone’s mind-off, but instead, it fails to create the desired impression. Disappointing indeed!  Or times when your boss took all the credit for the project you gave your heart and soul to.

Or in the worst-case scenario, a company you treat as your own rejects you by putting your name on the layoff list and conveniently asks you to wrap your bags and leave. These situations are common reasons of disappointments, but what matters most is our ability to handle the disappointments effectively.

Times like these demand us to make a quick and wise decision to either let our disappointments put us down or to step up, find a way around them and use them as an inspiration to grow. So, when you find yourself in a tricky situation at work and experience an overwhelming pang of sadness mixed with anger and frustration, follow these five essential steps below, as a way to cope with disappointment:

1.      Manage your thoughts and emotions – stay cool

2.     Don’t take it as a personal attack – deflect, don’t internalize it

3.     Reevaluate the situation objectively – remain logical

4.     Think of the big picture – not everything is about you

5.     Try again — or try another tactic – adapt or improvise

Perhaps you are thinking, easier said than done with managing your thoughts or emotions. Without a doubt, this is a heavy trick bag for many as it could offend or bring conflict into the problem or situation one way or another.

Dealing with any difficult situation can be tricky especially when your judgment is clouded by strong biases, prejudices, perceptions, emotions and unruly thoughts. Your strong emotional reaction can be disproportionate to the situation at hand so it is important to stop yourself from making any important decisions at that point or even to act on your feelings. Certainly, this is a very precarious situation to find yourself in and many times, it’s called a ‘career decision’ to speak up and resolve some issues even diplomatically or not so politically correctness.

Take a long count to ten. Do your best to take a few hours or a few days before you reach a calmer state of mind; when you do, only then should you act. This defeats the hoof in mouth syndrome where you literally put your foot in your mouth and say things that should best be thought over in a calmer state of mind and not in the haste of the moment.

Don’t take it as a personal attack but the chances are you will. Don’t take criticism of your work as a criticism of your skill set or capabilities and potential. They are two separate issues and should never be confused with each other.

When you work on something very closely you treat it like your baby and any comment or criticism is all too readily attributed to a personal attack. When you take something personally, it unnecessarily narrows your point of view and prevents you from thinking logically. It is best to distance yourself from the ‘stimulus or agitator’ for a while. Take a break from the moment - that way a real understanding of an event arises.

Re-evaluate and readjust your perception or perspectives. An objective evaluation [the opposite of a subjective evaluation] of the situation sometimes makes you realize that your expectations may have been unrealistic. So, it is best to adjust your thinking and your expectations with the newly created perception that is in fact, a reality. Don’t fall into the trap of regrets and guilt. See to the future and decide on an action plan.  

Think of the big picture and not just yourself. Distancing yourself from the situation that’s causing you trouble for a while can be healthy. It doesn’t mean you’re a coward or a quitter. It just means your wise enough to know when to stop and think. Upon thinking and taking some time off you’ll realize how to deal with the situation and secondly, a way to move forward and past the disappointment.

 Be flexible, don’t think just one way – step out of the box and try again or try another tactic or strategy. Once you accept that whatever happened is done and it’s time to move ahead. You have two simple choices either to try again if you believe it’s possible to succeed by giving it another shot - then go ahead and do it. But it is always wise to plan a new course of action by using a better tactic-learned from experience.

But the last most important thing is to not let your disappointments and failures get to your heart down and demoralize you to the point of added stress or frustration.  Always use them as a step to climb higher and a motivation to try even harder to reach your goals. Keep in mind, life is not fair. It is simply not fear and to expect anything else is only fooling yourself of the reality where you work, how you fit in that situation. We all suffer disappointment at work, but it's how we cope with that reality that makes the difference and really matters.

Changing Culture

Changing Culture –

Without a doubt, the very first vibration you feel as a new employee is an element or the assemblage of the employer’s culture. Almost without exception, you can pick up the vibes the moment you step into the thick of things and realize where you ended up is sometimes between a rock and a hard place or quite the opposite, perhaps a Shangri-La or utopia of some kind. Keep in mind, culture is an inference and not always a factual realism or dynamic.
It can be represented from many different views of how you act and how they expect you to act or speak when working for a business that has a strong internal culture that reveals itself almost immediately. How you handle the culture depends on how your view it to be in your own mind. There are two definite ways to change an organization’s culture.
The first is just to do nothing and second is do something. Once you understand that culture is not static or passive and stands by at an idle, you begin to understand that culture is always evolving because it is a product of living breathing things in your surroundings whether it be at home or at work.
Culture has been called a ‘living creature’ with its own dynamics and personality. To completely understand the culture, you must realize that is it shaped or created by shared beliefs, customs, practices, values and morals, experiences and most of all circumstances. It is a morphically type of creature that can change as often as the dynamics allow it to happen.
What we should stress at this point is that culture being a change agent at times does not always morph into something positive or something that is a desired quality. It is totally depended on the moods, values, and collection of individual qualities contained within people and since it is shaped by people, it could change or morph into something good or bad and be either better or worse than it was before.
Almost one thing is always guaranteed, it never stays the same so there are always ‘gotcha’ or ‘wow’ moments that may give you a clue that no matter how much it changes, it is never a done deal. It can never be done changing. It is in fact, a constant dynamic that sometimes grows or declines in value or importance. In some cases, it stretches and other times it contracts to give and take things from the surroundings.
Much compared to a relationship, it has its own ups and downs and it develops over time with constant and never ending awareness that it exists. Keep in mind, like a relationship, without giving it any care, it can stop growing and decline in value or importance. It needs constant care because when it stops growing, it begins to die as it starves from the nutrients that it needs to grow or exist.
Hence the word culture is associated with the same root word ‘cultivate.’ If you use the analogy of growing plants, there are many kinds of produce, flowers and other living things that grow with practical use and beauty but often die if you let the weeds choke the life out of them.
It really does work that way. Hopefully, your eye is on the growth of new things and positive things that make you committed to sowing new seeds or good seeds. That is how you make a positive difference.
Keep in mind – culture is how people behave, thinks, act and do things without being told to do something. This obviously borders on ethics but for the moment, culture is what you do from moment to moment without being told to do it. I am sure you can see how your own morals, training, ambitions, and creativity plays into the culture and then combined with others, how it fits or doesn’t fit in the organizational circle and how you [either individu7ally or as a group] want it to be.
This is the real culture of the organization – not what is posted on the website or employee handbook but who and how people discuss matters at the cooler or closed meetings and correspond via emails or talk on the phone. Often, the real culture is rarely politically correct and caution must be expressed that one can easily misunderstand intent by not filling in the gaps between what you want people to actually see or what you expect them to do or perform.
Thus, we have two cultures – the real culture and the espoused valued culture. One is real and the other is superficially created. You can see how the espoused culture is easier to represent as it is in so many ways, the things you want it to be. We can all come up with the things we value at work and collaborate such efforts to present a positive kind of culture based on honesty, integrity etc. a good person can see what it will take to fill the gaps between the real culture and the desired or advocated culture.
Surely, this must be a collaborative process that must be achieved to attain the right environment for the business or workplace. Keep in mind, one person cannot establish culture on a positive balance or create a consistent dynamic that all can adjust to or agree with. Anything less is despotic or tyrannical in nature and defeats the entire process of changing the culture for the good. The more the culture lives out your expectations as a group, the better the balance.
If employees are involved in defining the culture, you are doomed to fail from the beginning as you have no buy-in on the end product that you expect them to be happy with or satisfied in as they are involved in the most crucial factor to bring those values and dynamics alive creating a living culture desired.
What is important to remember is that many companies, businesses or organizations, government or non-government are ‘mission’ oriented and shape their culture accordingly. This is not just for competitive purposes but to also have a segment in their organization that creates higher levels of innovation and at the same time, retain a much higher percentage of employees that other businesses.
Mission oriented workplaces actually have a culture that is shaped by the employees’ personalities and thereby creating an organizational personality. If done right, a culture can be created that is customized into an identity personality that grabs their company’s beliefs about the company’s purpose while fostering trust, accountability and enjoying their work coupled with arduous work and tenacity that is shared and demonstrated openly and vigorously.
One of the most common expectations is the fact that employees expect their leaders to create or cultivate their culture. Although it is a collective process, it must come from a source that has authority, power, control, and influence in the business.
The most important question posed is “what does the right kind of culture look like and why?” Honestly speaking, this is where the values must be shared and collectively expressed and desired.
Let’s say for example your organization has values of ‘winning’ – that’s a very common goal and value so it is often expressed and created as a strategy to win whether it be in sports or in business.
Every sport or business needs to win over potential athletes or clients to have a winning combination. Basically speaking, what that company seeks out is people and their shared values with the business or organization. That is what it looks like from their own perspective as they sought those best suited to win in either a sport or a business marketplace.
Here is the downside of winning – placing such a high value on ‘winning’ can and often does create a culture of greed. It also creates a situation where you lower your standards and devaluate what was once a reasonable standard to live by or to work with. Do you get the picture?
When you place such a high value on winning – you forget about people. A culture for winning could cause you to lose focus on the things that were important before.
It may create leaders who will turn a blind eye to all sorts of misdeeds or allegations that normally would not be culturally acceptable under any circumstances. See how the selection or choice of your leaders is the key to setting the right kind of culture?
The leader must be in tune with the intent of the mission and the collective values of the organization as well as its vision. He or she must model it and stand by to support it no matter what the alignment must be perfectly in line with the dynamics of the real culture and do otherwise forces a sub-culture to be created hence, the espoused or advocated culture.
Here is the most crucial element of changing cultures – a leader cannot force a culture to change but they can model the desired values, ethics, behaviors or actions. If you want people to change to a new set of values or standards, be the role model it takes to show them what you expect from yourself as well as others. Work with a passion if you want your employees to work with passion.
Make sure you have a high visibility factor so they can see your values, passion or creativity on the job. Your personal enthusiasm can be contagious and if you take risks, then they will step out of the box and take risks as well. Let them know you have taken risks and failed. Show them it adds to the overall experience and learning curve when you do so.
Give them the confidence they need to do their jobs with risks and give them a safe work environment. A safe workplace is a hallmark sign of healthy cultures. It provides and breeds trust, transparency, reduces gossip and fosters the truth. It allows others to be themselves and provide genuine service and passion to the mission.
A safe workplace promotes growth – either team growth or individual growth. Your career will experience all kinds of challenges because a safe environment leads to risk taking and taking risks is essential to creativity and innovative ideas.
Do an audit of internal policies and procedures and see if it promotes a healthy environment. Are the middle and upper-level managers accessible and is the communication transparent and clear enough to avoid any errors or misunderstandings and do your employees feel safe? This kind of positive interaction promotes both professional and social connections and collaboration.
When you review policies are you asking people what is working and what isn’t? can you or your employees identify your structure weaknesses and if it is weak what does it produce or unintended consequences and how to you make things better?
In some cases, the hiring and selection of new employees are often compared to a good, bad or ugly experience. Regardless how it starts, the employer is all upbeat and makes many promises and at the same time, you are accepting those promises at full face value because you are trying hard to please the recruiter or employer. Both sides working hard to come to an agreement before the deal is sealed.
Then in time, reality sets in and you soon find out that the relationship has conditions that weren’t set in before. Often times, you wonder if the relationship will last or if the promises are kept. For some, it has real staying power and for others, it’s a sign to leave and let it go.
When you are recruiting a highly talented or robust potential producing employee, there’s a strong temptation to gloss over the realities of the culture that might not fit with the would-be star. Or an eager would-be employee might pretend everything is fine and role play just to get the job. once hired, that may change for the good or the bad.
Remember the promises made that there would be no overtime? Remember how the recruiter said the company value work and your personal life balance? Remember they said you could flex your time and set your own hours to some extent? Sounds great. But the unspoken reality often includes, “You know, once you’ve put in 60 hours a week instead of the usual 40 hours.”
The smart play is to be transparent about expectations and to value cultural fit even over talent because a talented worker who hates his or her job ultimately causes more harm than good. Without a doubt, you know some of these employees or perhaps, that may be you.
Likewise, if employees on the team are destroying the culture because they aren’t a fit – they don’t share the values, they don’t buy into the culture – then it’s often best to help them find a great job at some other organization. This is especially true of cultural serpents, those back-biting snakes who gossip and actively work against the values you are building or advocating for the work group.
These often are the highest performers and, thus, the hardest to counsel or fire. But the longer they stay, the more they poison your cultural waters. The warning here is to be sure you don’t build a culture of ‘me, me, me’ or in an environment of ‘entitlement’ that can ruin a work group or a team faster than anything you can imagine.
This is where leadership steps in. Getting rid of cultural snakes in the grass not only removes a source of cultural poison, it sends a message to everyone on the team that your espoused or advocated values are important and that there’s a sense of accountability. That type of accountability is vital even when the violations of cultural conduct are less nefarious.
A good leader or team of leaders have the ability to infuse energy into the culture and keeps the culture alive and growing while at the same time, align this with desired outcomes.
If the leader of the organization or the workgroup did an excellent job of ensuring a sound alignment of values in coordination with organizational mission, vision, and values most employees will buy-in and live it out making it a synchronized effort. This is where role-modeling yourself is important as the people can see you. It will result in others joining you and thus gather around a common bond or commitment that is critical to growth and success. Personally, and professionally.
In any culture, recognition and rewards need to be considered and thrived for as a way of life – a matter of routine but with sincerity and respect. It should never be a one-time thing and awards ceremonies should be invested in as something special and not with a ‘going through the motion’ kind of attitude or behavior. Good leaders know who they are and how important it is to do this kind of activity throughout the year, formal and informal, to show appreciation for those who are living out the advocated or espoused culture.
Remember that real culture and espoused culture are dynamics you must pay attention to at all times. Keep in mind, culture grows or declines with time. The more effort that is given the better the growth while neglect will bring the culture to an end or worse, steer it in the wrong direction. People will come on board to take the place of those who have moved up or on.
The competition changes. The world changes and every employee plays a role in the culture you, as a leader, are cultivating. It requires a lot of attention to details and care and definitely some critical adjustments along the way, but if you keep working at it, keep cultivating your garden, the organizational results can be productive, meaningful and spectacularly self-fulfilling for you and the others who benefit from a healthy workplace environment.

Your Dance - a metaphor that really means something to you

Dancing with You or Myself

For many, the metaphor ‘dance’ has many different meanings but no matter how you cut the cards, the ‘dance’ is always about life. We all have a dance or two in our life and it is that moment in time that makes a difference when we reminisce or think about those days of yesterday.
Whether the dance is a pleasurable treasure or a bad nightmare, the fact is, every dance has purpose or reason that we can learn from. Hence, we have a slow dance, a fast dance, a very rhythmic pace or a slow rocking to sleep motion. Every dance is based on the music played and the mood of the time.
A dance can be filled with regret or reasons of sadness. There are no rules to worry about when you dance it’s all about you, your mood, emotion or feelings at the time you take those steps. The dance cannot be dictated by another. Nobody can lead you to dance your dance. They may try to lead and turn you around but in the end, you find the right moment to make it all come together for you and nobody else.
The dance is about love and happiness – it’s about heaven and hell and about living and dying. It’s about the stars and the moon and all the heavenly bodies that you see above your head as you gaze into the sky. And at the same time, it’s about who comes into your life and who leaves you. There are many reasons to dance and every moment counts as you add up your time on earth and wait for tomorrow.
Whether it is day or night, you find yourself always thinking about yourself and how you have loved someone or lost someone and how you feel or sometimes fear. The dance can be about rich and famous and poor and struggling with everyday problems and worries. Sometimes the dance is about someone for whom you care.
Even when the dance is over you can replay that moment in time forever through eternity. Nobody can deny you the dance you have chosen for that moment in your life that you sometimes keep a secret until the time is right. You can always dance with someone you love or care for or if you are alone, you can dance with yourself and hang onto those precious moments in time that give you the experience you are longing for when it is time to dance.